Kin-Kytchen: Onions

Welcome to “Kin-Kytchen”, the show where food is the porn that binds us together.

What a terrific audience! Much like the layers of unwashed fursuits and fetishes that make up you, dear viewer, so is today’s episode about a gift that keeps on giving (minus the part where you disappoint your parents): Onions.

One would think that the Allium genus, of which the onion is a part of, is truly God’s bestowal to the masses; you’d be wrong. The credit actually goes to the one and only, the bringer of darkness, Satan.
*ominous clapping can be heard in the distance*

Little do people know, but the characteristic pungency of Allium and, by extension, of the onion, actually results from the sulfur content of the soil it grows in, and in the rare case of sulfur-free growth conditions, the onion loses that sweet flavor that keeps you coming back for more.

In this way, onions have even more in common with furries, from their dark undertones and origins to the strength of the smell, to even the peculiar ability to make even the toughest of mothers cry:

“I’m like an onion. You can peel away my layers, but the further you go, the more it’ll make you cry.”
― Laura Carstairs-Waters

As usual, leave it up to a woman to turn something wonderful into personal drama.
However, this is where the similarities end because the reason why onions are a behemoth of cooking go beyond their initial raw state.

Indeed, one of the main components of an enjoyable gustatory experience is the so-called mouthfeel – a combination of the way you perceive the texture of a given food and the patterns of pressure deriving from its consumption. Onions fit both those criteria perfectly. The popular consensus is that flavor and aroma are the main components that make food enjoyable but people often disregard texture, which to some can be even more important than the aforementioned components.

While melodramatic cunts bitch about layers and layers of tears, the reality of the situation is that we have been conditioned as animals to enjoy softer textures following crunchier ones; characteristics reminiscent of ripe fruit as opposed to one not yet matured, which would be mostly just crunchy, and ones that are spoiled, which often miss the crunchy component crucial to our enjoyment. The layers of the onion do not only offer this desirable component once, they offer it many times, and it is for this reason that were it not for the taste of raw onions and the consequences on your breath, people would very likely consume them at even higher rates.

The advantages do not end here, because, after all, both the taste and consistency of onions can change based on how you cook them, depending on how long you cook them for, and at what heat, or even in which medium. You can alter the firmness, and mellow out or sweeten the flavor, for example, and choose from a variety of sizes (my favorite ones are the size of golf balls).

The desirability of the onion is in its variety and malleability, and for this reason, it has been cited that were truffles and onions the same price, onions would still be bought in much greater quantity, because while you can do away with truffles, you can not do away with onions.

A gift like such shall not be discarded and is, therefore, our first entry in the list of food porn items.





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May or may not have had a hand in 9/11.

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